Goats can change your life

​I have been trying to plod my way through the emotional journey of rehoming all of my farm animals before we make the move to Mexico. This post is not about living in Mexico but it absolutely is the thing that has to happen so that we can live in Mexico. So it seems fitting to share here how I am getting along in this endeavor. For those who might be following along and don’t know this about me, I have 9 pet Nigerian Dwarf goats and 5 chickens and 3 ducks at Full of Hope Farm. (We have a FB page and a website if you want to see pictures of everyone.) I love the goats dearly and this part of the adventure is going to be one of the trickiest hurdles for me. 

My husband was away in France for work for the past 12 days and I had a lot of time to think and process (and cry) by myself about the end of my current farm. It felt really scary like an existential crisis sort of feeling, but one night while I was cleaning out the barn I talked to myself through my worries and I had the epiphany that the thing I was scared about was losing my identity. It felt like I was going to lose a part of myself when they all move out. Once I could identify what was scaring me then I could rationally accept that the goats and the ducks and chickens are separate from my identity. (Obviously, but in the thick of the feelings, I’ll admit it got confusing.) Now that I sorted that out I can be grateful for who I have become because of them. 

They have changed me in very deep ways. They have built my confidence and my self-esteem. They’ve made me much more outgoing and community minded. They have given me a purpose and a daily rhythm. I’ve stretched my skills in so many areas I never could have foreseen! I’m comfortable with power tools now of all kinds, driving a tractor, operating the back hoe, installing electric fencing, trimming goat hooves, treating bumble foot, administering shots, medicine and subcutaneous fluids. I can identify birds of prey and mammal tracks and scat of anything that can and will eat farm animals. I’ve assisted in the birth of three baby goats and been hands-on for a C-section for a goat and the castration of two goats. I built raised beds and elaborate gardens and grew flowers which got me a gig as a florist for a nursing home. I built a farmstand by myself and turned it into a free food pantry this past winter when SNAP benefits were cancelled. I got to know many neighbors by regularly giving away composted goat and chicken manure and hosting Community Goat Walks. I have goats to thank for all of this. What amazing teachers they have been. 

As the date of my “Goating away” party nears (less than a week to go) and their moving out feels imminent, my newest fear that I am trying to grapple with is the quiet that will be here the day after they all are gone. Like the hole in one’s life that is left when a beloved dog dies, but times 9 goats. Anticipating this quiet scares me.  

The best thoughts on this that I have come up with (with help from Felicity, the goats’ previous owner) is to remind myself that they are leaving their current job - being my teachers and moving on to their next jobs in their new families enriching the lives of 8 children and 4 adults. I am sure that having goats will change the Goaties’ new families as well. We will just have to wait and see how. 

When the last day with the farm comes- there will be crying. 

There will be grief and loss. 

I will be okay. 

The goats and chickens and duckies will have wonderful lives with new families. 

I know that even a hard choice can sometimes be the right choice.  

My family and I really want to spend a year out of this country and try on Peace. That is important to us. Holding all these feelings and thoughts together loosely and taking it one day at a time. 

Baby steps. 

Thanks for following along and checking in on me friends. 💝 

And thank you to Felicity for sharing these wonderful Goaties with me 4 years ago. Forever grateful! 

(The photo is my backyard where I am writing right now)